i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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