Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
