dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
