You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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