I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
