He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
