Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
