On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
