she was so not down for the gang bang
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
