Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So much rum. So many feels.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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