when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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