Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
