Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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