after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
