Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
is that a dick in a sweater?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
