I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
