You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
