he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
