Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
