But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
