I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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