today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
