I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
