Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
