I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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