was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
