your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
