i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
