weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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