what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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