idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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