Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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