The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
