I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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