I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The power of my boobs compel you
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
