Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
