The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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