Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
