I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
