If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
