capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
