Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
