He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
