My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I have post one night stand depression
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