Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
