Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
