I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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