I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
