Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
