she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
