i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
