Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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