so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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