New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
