I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
