her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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