love makes seman taste better
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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