We named our party play list daddy issues
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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