my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
