both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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