Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
