you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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