I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
you had me at cake vodka
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
