is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
