So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Screwed.edu
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
