She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
